Once love and marriage went together like a horse and carriage but these days it seems that love (listen close, honey) must be compatible with understanding money.
A failed money match is becoming a make-or-break issue for Australian couples, with the rising cost of living and a new generation of financially independent women no longer willing to tolerate fiscally irresponsible partners — no matter how attractive they might be.
This was a key takeout from a Finder survey analysed by the AFR’s wealth reporter, Lucy Dean. At the core of Dean’s piece was a clear bottom line: financial incompatibility, in an era of relentless cost-of-living pressure, is becoming a serious threat to modern relationships.
Here are the main findings from Dean’s analysis of why attitudes towards money are becoming vital to the longevity of many relationships:
- Relationships Australia reported two years ago that 22% of couples fought about money — and the frequency of those fights was rising as inflation, house prices, interest rates, and the cost of living all surged.
- The Finder survey found that financial infidelity was considered worse than physical cheating by 20% of respondents.
- ING research shows that 7% of Australians have ghosted a partner for failing to meet their financial expectations.
- Dean reports that the Finder survey of over 1,000 people also found that 15% had either been dumped, or dumped someone, because of their income, savings, debt, or understanding of personal finance.
- Some 18% of respondents to a Bumble survey in 2024 said their partner’s income would affect their relationship.
- Dean also suggests that the financial stress imposed by the high cost-of-living environment has driven a spike in Google searches for “relationship OCD” or ROCD.
ROCD — a form of obsessive compulsive disorder — triggers intrusive and distressing thoughts and behaviours about one’s romantic relationship, and money is emerging as a significant new driver of this condition.
If you need further convincing that romance is increasingly being shaped by financial reality, consider the Canstar survey finding that 73% of Australians now prefer a coffee date over dinner for a first meeting.
That suggests the humble coffee date has become a low-cost, low-commitment way to assess a prospective partner — a telling sign of just how important money has become in affairs of the heart.
Interestingly, the survey showed 83% of Baby Boomers opt for coffee first, while only 54% of Gen Z’ers go for the cheaper first encounter. That gap implies that lived experience teaches people a hard lesson: falling for someone without first giving them a financial responsibility check can prove costly — in more ways than one.
And for those who worry their lovable qualities might be overshadowed by some money missteps, perhaps the best move is showing a prospective partner that you already own my book Join the Rich Club!
Interesting, the good side of this is that women are more financially independent than previous generations when women were relatively powerless and just had to suffer a financially illiterate partner because they were so dependent.